One of my favourite self help books is ‘The Dance of Intimacy’ by Harriet G. Lerner. One of the quotes that I have adopted from the book is ‘Don’t just do something, stand there’. This is in complete contrast to the need to rush in, rescue, problem solve for others. This quote reminds me to be present, here is an excerpt from The Golden Venture E book;
‘Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee.’ Michel de Montaigne
Make a date with your self, meet up right here – now. Give your self a gift; describe what you can see all around you. Notice the details and then look again further and deeper.
Describe what you can hear around you. Listen out for the pitch and the volume, listen within for the sounds of your breathing.
Describe what you can smell right now or describe the most pleasant smell you know. Describe the most luscious taste in the most desirable way.
Touch whatever is nearest to you, notice how it feels; describe the texture and the sensations that you feel.
Wrap this gift up and give your self permission to receive it…….. “this is your present”.
‘Don’t just do something, stand there’. Harriet G. Lerner
One of the books that inspired my personal development journey was The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Habit 5 is ‘Seek first to understand and then to be understood’. Listening is a tool that can lead towards understanding. Here are my thoughts on listening taken from my E book,The Golden Venture.
‘Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand’ Karl A. Menninger
Being understood is the emotional air that we breathe. When some-one is gasping for air (or understanding) nothing else matters. Seeking to understand is giving; time, attention, your self. It communicates love and commitment and generates self-esteem. Listening is awareness. Close your eyes and notice what you can hear. Of the many things you can hear, choose what you wish to pay attention to. Recognise that you have the power to choose what you pay attention to everyday.
Listen to your inner conflict, seek to understand it.
Listen without judgement; give each voice space and permission to be heard. Accept what you hear as an opinion, a feeling or a belief. Notice how the inner conflict quietens down when the voices are no longer gasping for air.
‘I don’t care how much you know, until I know how much you care’ Stephen Covey.