Letting go


‘Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.’  Sylvia Robinson

There is a connection – a bond, a tie, an attachment, an umbilical cord.  Imagine holding onto one end of a rope and another is holding onto the other end of the rope. You both hold on tightly. Wherever one of you goes the other one goes too. Generally you are content, either of you may occasionally be disgruntled but you are comfortable in your attachment.  The other starts to tug at the rope, you pull it back, they pull harder – it is a tug of war. You dig your heels in, they dig their heels in.

“I am powerless – I don’t know what else I can do”

Empower yourself, put the rope down.

You are inviting the conflict in.  Now you are faced with managing your loss, rather than managing the external conflict.

What have you lost? Make a list of all the little losses within the primary loss. You may need a large sheet of paper.

This is life……a multitude of losses and endless beginnings.

                     Breathe, trust, let go.

Time to Celebrate


‘It is good to have an end to journey toward – but it is the journey that matters in the end.’  Ursula K Leguin

It has been a joy. Like watching one of my favourite films I have been taken on a wonderful journey.  I have laughed and cried, been inspired and showered with wonder.

I am in awe. The joy that comes from taking time to reflect and appreciate fills me up.  This is the perfect end to a party; a cup of tea in hand, sharing the experiences and anecdotes with my loved ones. I am blessed with abundance.

Now that I have chosen to look around my stately home I recognise that I have all I need right here, right now.  I have some space to grow, some empty rooms that invite opportunity, some untidy rooms that reflect creativity and abandonment.  I have one room that is neat and uncluttered and a room in the garden to enjoy.

I am fortunate. I am a play in progress. I have welcomed play back into my life and my spirit is lifted.  Play nourishes me; it cradles my soul and makes me happy.

I love to celebrate.  It is the best reward. The recognition of all that has been and the hope of what is to come.

It has been a pleasure.

Make a splash. Challenge a wave. Embrace a friend.

The Heart of Passion


                            ‘Passion is the genesis of genius.’  Tony Robbins

Passion is where your heart is. If your head is reason then your heart is passion.  Passion is movement, momentum, it is a force for good.  Allow your passion to guide you towards your hearts desire.

If it was up to me I would…………….What would you do?

It is up to you.

Remove the barriers that hold your passion back and reveal the real you.

Passion is like being in love, it is all consuming, it takes you over.  Dig deep into your soul and discover what will move you out of bed, out of your head, look for something that will enrich your life and pour your heart into it.

This is your passion.

If it was up to me I would;

  1. ………………………………………
  2. ……………………………………….
  3. ……………………………………….

 Passion is oxygen of the soul


A Soft Place to Land


  ‘Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always.’


Comfort is a soft place.  It is being held by someone you trust, with their arms, their empathy or their gaze.  Comfort is being understood and cared for.  It is curling up on a large sofa surrounded by cushions.  Comfort is a healing touch.  It soothes and caresses the physical body which calms the emotions.

Comfort is the pit stop of life; a place of recovery and repair.  Without comfort we walk through our life overloaded with baggage.  We stuff or rucksacks full of grief and collect bags of worry and guilt along the way.

A soft place allows us to lay down; to rest our bodies and lay down our burdens.  Identify your soft place.  It may be a person, a room, a chair, a bed.  You will recognise your soft place when you feel the tension release from your body. When your breathing is calm and even and when a feeling of well being spreads through you.

Being in your soft place is like coming home, connecting to your self.

Value your soft place and introduce more of them into your life.

Using your soft place is a reminder that you care for your self.

Let your self know that you are comfort–able.

My favourite soft place is ……………………………………………

Other soft places I could use are ………………………………..

  Everyone needs a soft place

Get Inspired to take action


The new year is the time when we are likely to think about making some changes. It is a time when we can use other peoples desire for change to propel us forward. When we use others to inspire us to make those changes it feel like we are in it together and not alone on our quest. I hope my thoughts about inspiration will inspire you to take action.

‘The Golden Venture’ https://instarcoaching.com/the-golden-venture-e-book,

  ‘It’s not where you take things from, it’s where you take them to’ Jean-Luc Godard 

Get inspired.  Inspiration is a volcanic explosion of desires, wonder and possibilities.  Harness this power and energy to move you into action.  Inspiration is a stepping stone; it is anything that moves you towards your ideal.

Align yourself with positive influences.  Gravitate towards people you admire, places that you love and things that make you feel good.
Be inspired. Notice the details. What do you like and admire about that person? what is it about this place that you love? how does this thing make you feel good? 

Inspiration is the light bulb moment when a surge of power transmits through two elements and joins them together.  It is seeing things in a different way, realising that there is a way through; a closed door, an overgrown path, an uphill climb.

If you can do it, then so can I.  You are an inspiration.    

Write the names of 3 people who inspire you …..

What are the qualities that you admire?……..

Write the name of 3 places that inspire you…….

What do these places provide for you?………..

Write the name of 3 things that inspire you?………

What do these things give to you?……….

  ‘Ideas come from everything’ Alfred Hitchcock

A Different Christmas


Our experience of Christmas can be a time of happiness or suffering. It is an event that we all ‘do’ at the same time and yet we all do it differently. As families come together one of the deciding factors of our experience may be how well we can accept difference.

Here are my reflections on difference; an excerpt from ‘The Golden Venture’ https://instarcoaching.com/the-golden-venture-e-book.

To be different is to challenge our fundamental need to belong.  To notice difference and not be afraid of it is courageous.  To accept difference is to acknowledge that your way is the right way – for you – not for everybody else. 

What do you bring to the party?  Whatever you bring it is unique and valuable; one part of the whole feast.

Resistance to difference brings conflict while opening ourselves up to difference creates synergy.  Synergy confronts our fear of isolation and affirms that we can be different and  belong.

Work with difference to find a creative way forward. Explore the opportunities it provides to try something new.  In essence, difference gives birth to new ideas – lay down your fear and embrace difference in all its glory.

‘Heart is what makes a difference’ Jerry Sloan.

The Truth is Revealed



My relationship with the book The Beautiful Life (now published as The Journey Home) by Simon Parke began in 2007. As the republished name suggests, I keep coming home to it and have done so over the last 10 years. It sits by my bedside and is a wonderful companion to my personal development journey. The chapter ‘Prepare for Truth’ reminds me that when I become quiet and present, there is more opportunity for the truth to be revealed. Here is my version of the truth from The Golden Venture E book;

Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold.’ Leo Tolstoy

When we come face to face with truth we put our hands over our eyes or over our ears to block it out. We are afraid of anything that will be revealed. Truth is accused of causing hurt. Truth hasn’t created hurt; it has peeled back the layers of deception, distraction and avoidance. These protective factors guard our vulnerability, including hurt.

We build walls, put up barriers and lock ourselves away. I am in my castle behind locked doors, the drawbridge is up, and truth cannot reach me. I am safe, I am isolated.

Truth reveals hurt. The exposure may feel like a sting, a bite or a cut. Truth may soothe, comfort or caress you. How will you know unless you open up your eyes, you ears, and lower the drawbridge to your heart?

Truth is a healer; it exposes hurt and provides an opportunity for healing. Choose your truth sayer wisely; choose someone who is patient, kind and considerate. Someone who will tend your wounds, nurture and heal you. That person could be you.

  1. Are you defending or healing yourself?
  2. Are you attacking or healing others?

Tell them all the truth but tell it slant-Emily Dickinson



Your Xmas Present


One of my favourite self help books is ‘The Dance of Intimacy’ by Harriet G. Lerner. One of the quotes that I have adopted from the book is ‘Don’t just do something, stand there’. This is in complete contrast to the need to rush in, rescue, problem solve for others. This quote reminds me to be present, here is an excerpt from The Golden Venture E book;

‘Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee.’ Michel de Montaigne

Make a date with your self, meet up right here – now. Give your self a gift; describe what you can see all around you. Notice the details and then look again further and deeper.

Describe what you can hear around you. Listen out for the pitch and the volume, listen within for the sounds of your breathing.

Describe what you can smell right now or describe the most pleasant smell you know. Describe the most luscious taste in the most desirable way.

Touch whatever is nearest to you, notice how it feels; describe the texture and the sensations that you feel.

Wrap this gift up and give your self permission to receive it…….. “this is your present”.

       ‘Don’t just do something, stand there’.  Harriet G. Lerner



Listening is Awareness



One of the books that inspired my personal development journey was The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Habit 5 is ‘Seek first to understand and then to be understood’. Listening is a tool that can lead towards understanding. Here are my thoughts on listening taken from my E book,The Golden Venture.

‘Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand’ Karl A. Menninger

Being understood is the emotional air that we breathe. When  some-one is gasping for air (or understanding) nothing else matters. Seeking to understand is giving; time, attention, your self. It communicates love and commitment and generates self-esteem. Listening is awareness. Close your eyes and notice what you can hear. Of the many things you can hear, choose what you wish to pay attention to. Recognise that you have the power to choose what you pay attention to everyday.

Listen to your inner conflict, seek to understand it.

Listen without judgement; give each voice space and permission to be heard. Accept what you hear as an opinion, a feeling or a belief. Notice how the inner conflict quietens down when the voices are no longer gasping for air.

‘I don’t care how much you know, until I know how much you care’ Stephen Covey.  


What is confidence?



One of the books that I read at the beginning of my personal development journey was Feel the Fear & Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers. The learning from this book inspired me to write about what confidence means to me. Here is an excerpt from My Golden Venture E book 

‘When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. When you have fun, you can do amazing things’ Joe Namath

Most of us are scared most of the time. We are afraid of not being good enough, getting it wrong, losing everything. What confident people are skilled at is managing their fear. They accept that fear is a normal emotion and they know that they can handle it.

Confidence is trust in your own ability, believing in your self. Confidence is challenging your doubts and questioning their validity.

“I could never do that..” – act as if you can. This builds up the neural pathways that are needed for that action. You can do it. If you think you can, you can.

 ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ Susan Jeffers.